“In your appearance and conduct, you observe the law, owing
to your fear of punishment or hope of reward, yet you do nothing of free choice
and out of love for the law, but unwillingly and under compulsion; were there
no law, you would rather do something else. The logical conclusion is that, in the depths of your heart,
you hate the law. What is the use
of teaching others not to steal if you are a thief at heart yourself and, if you
dared, would be one in fact?” (Luther 1522)
I asked myself the question, “What if there were no heaven
or hell?” “What if God gave me a free day; a day to do whatever I desire; no
punishments, no sin, nothing off limits?" I made a list, and I dare not mention its contents here.
Here I am, all my life striving to do ministry, working,
serving, investing in a faith that, God as my witness, I did with full
sincerity; yet, it is my conscious that gives me up, that all this time I was
but almost a Christian.
It didn’t matter what knowledge I had, it didn’t matter how
many conversations I had with God, it didn’t matter what ministries I was
involved in, it didn’t matter, at all, what I did, because in a moment of honesty, I realized I was doing it
all against my grain. My desires
weren’t matching my actions (thank God!), but how long could I simply ignore
the desires? How long could I
simply cover them up? And did God create me to live in such dichotomy? Did he create me to do one thing, but desire another, and for the two never to match? Is being a Christian simply telling your desires, "no"?
Some argue that, yes, this is what it means to be Christian: to fight
the desires of the flesh and that only in heaven will we not desire evil; and I would agree to a point. Yes, we must fight them since we are
born with them and they are contrary to the Spirit Christ has given us; and yes, in heaven we will not desire evil. But to say that on Earth our spirit cannot learn to hate evil and desire good is to state that the fall is stronger than the cross - that death beats Christ… which obviously, if you've read your Bible, you know this is simply not true. I do not
believe that we have to fight against our sin-nature for our whole life. Just as in any battle, someone comes out victorious; so in
our battle against our fleshy desires, a side will win, and since we have Christ on our side I know the right side can win, the problem is convincing myself that I actually want Christ
to win – because as Luther said, “were there no law, [I] would rather do
something else.” But I am confident that can change to say, "were there no law, I would still long to keep it, because it is good."
Christ told Nicodemus he needed to be born again; we need to be born again with a nature to love. It isn't easy; for as long as these sinful desires and behaviors have lied to my flesh saying I need them, it will take just as long, if not longer, to teach my body to live without them (i.e. beware of withdrawal symptoms). Vulnerability is a good place to start, vulnerability with yourself, with God, and with a faithful friend or two; and even though your addiction may not be to alcohol, the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous wouldn't be a bad idea to go through either in reference to whatever desires you are addicted to. And lastly, you have to have faith that indeed, we can be healed. "Your faith has saved you" (Lk. 7:36-50), "Your faith has healed you" (Mt. 9:18-26; 20:29-34; Mk. 5:21-43; 10:46-52; Lk. 8:40-56; 18:35-43), "Your faith has made you well" (Lk. 17:11-21), "According to your faith it will be done" (Mt. 9:27-34). If you don't believe Christ can fix you, then chances are, He won't.
Christ told Nicodemus he needed to be born again; we need to be born again with a nature to love. It isn't easy; for as long as these sinful desires and behaviors have lied to my flesh saying I need them, it will take just as long, if not longer, to teach my body to live without them (i.e. beware of withdrawal symptoms). Vulnerability is a good place to start, vulnerability with yourself, with God, and with a faithful friend or two; and even though your addiction may not be to alcohol, the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous wouldn't be a bad idea to go through either in reference to whatever desires you are addicted to. And lastly, you have to have faith that indeed, we can be healed. "Your faith has saved you" (Lk. 7:36-50), "Your faith has healed you" (Mt. 9:18-26; 20:29-34; Mk. 5:21-43; 10:46-52; Lk. 8:40-56; 18:35-43), "Your faith has made you well" (Lk. 17:11-21), "According to your faith it will be done" (Mt. 9:27-34). If you don't believe Christ can fix you, then chances are, He won't.
I will not be satisfied in staying in the state of
Luther’s quote (nor do I believe Christ is satisfied in leaving us there), I'm confident in this, that God will "sanctify [us] through and through… the one who calls [us] is faithful, and he will do it" (1 Thess. 5:23-24). I will not be discouraged by the mindless talk of those who claim we
are stuck with our desires of the flesh until glorification in heaven. I disagree. I believe in a God that can defeat our evil desires on earth so
that I can, in the deepest part of my heart, want to do good, and abhor
sin in this earthly life. This is where we begin to understand sanctification and holiness, it's not a score sheet of "have you ever sinned… oh, then you're not sanctified;" it's so much deeper than that - past your actions, past your personality, past your hormones, past your attitude, past your thoughts, all the way down to the inclination of your soul. Christ wants to, and can, bend your soul to desire to do His will and everything else (your attitude, your thoughts, etc) will follow suit; to settle for anything less
denies His omnipotence.
I don't take credit for anything above - none of the thoughts would have gone through my mind if not for the means of grace listed below:
FURTHER READING:
More Than Forgiveness (S. DeNeff; 2002)
Addiction & Grace (Gerald G. May, M.D; 1988)
Saving Graces: Living Above the 7 Deadly Sins (S. DeNeff; 2011)
Have a conversation with Dr. Dave Ward and Dr. Bud Bence
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I don't take credit for anything above - none of the thoughts would have gone through my mind if not for the means of grace listed below:
FURTHER READING:
More Than Forgiveness (S. DeNeff; 2002)
Addiction & Grace (Gerald G. May, M.D; 1988)
Saving Graces: Living Above the 7 Deadly Sins (S. DeNeff; 2011)
Have a conversation with Dr. Dave Ward and Dr. Bud Bence
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I did a cover of the song "Wretched Man" by Marcus Mumford, from the band Mumford and Sons. He wrote this song prior to the band's existence and it has a lot of phrases from Romans 7:21-25 (which goes along well with my previous blog if you had the chance to look at it).
Marcus capture's the battle with holiness: "What You ask just cannot be done; a spineless heart is what I've become. This weight on my back is just too heavy; a holy life just wasn't for me."
if it doesn't load, here's the YouTube link: http://youtu.be/oLXS5m0vwUA
ROMANS 7:21-25
21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
